Before I get into anything, shout to @chrissyxu for reminding me that this newsletter was worth writing. Probably wouldn’t have written this without you.
Disclaimer: I didn’t proofread this at all. I just wrote and clicked publish, so please excuse any typos, lack of structure, etc.
It’s been 327 days since I last wrote to you. That’s 10 months, 3 weeks, and 6 days — I’m pretty sure. It sounds a lot longer when you draw it out like that. The thing is, I didn’t really plan to take such a long break. In fact, I didn’t plan to take a break at all. It just happened out of nowhere. I got to the next weekend, which happened to be my birthday weekend, and I just…didn’t have it in me to write. Or maybe I did, but I just didn’t want to. I can’t remember at this point.
But what I do know, is that I felt a sense of relief. I felt relieved that I had let I had the power to let this thing go, no matter how obligated I felt to you, who continued to read the Monday Standard week after week. No one really said anything about it and I didn’t really notice. We often think that people will care when announcing that we are taking a break from some digital platform - but after numerous hiatuses, I can assure you that no one really cares.
And that’s not to say that you are not worth caring about, because you absolutely are. It’s just that when it comes to where we put our sense of belonging, it should probably not be in social media. I’ve come to believe that social media is a lot like those party friends you had in high school. You were good friends as long as you were willing to party. But the second you decide to choose a different path, the texts stop coming. You’re no longer tagged in the stories.
And I’m totally cool with that.
Even though it’s been 10 months, 3 weeks, and 6 days since I last wrote you, it’s really the last two years (just about anyway) that I’ve felt a transformation occurring in my life. Over the last two years, I’ve been forced to foster what is truly of the most value in my life.
My faith, my family, and my friends.
It’s actually that simple.
What I’m embarrassed to admit is that in the years leading up to this transformation (I seriously cringe at that word, but I can’t think of another at the moment), I didn’t always have those priorities in place. I mean, I said I did, like most people say they do, but if I’m being honest looking back it’s unclear to me as to what was my true motivator. Because I know, for damn sure, that I really really care about generosity, altruism, and the greater good - but did I have to post about it? Was it serving the purpose that I told myself I had in the world?
Perhaps, but in retrospect, there may have been adjustments to my approach that were long overdue.
For one, I know that I was far too focused on “glorifying thyself”, and telling others to do so as well. Motivational Instagram tells you that whether you’re successful or not, it is up to you and only you. It tells you what you need to cut off people that are slowing you down from getting what you want, that you deserve a world of abundance, and that all you have is a product of all you do. And to a certain extent, I do believe in those ideas. However (and that’s a big however), I also believe that your purpose, what you “get out of life”, and what abundance actually looks like in your life isn’t actually up to you.
You can call it the universe if you want, but I have always called “it” God. And I was reminded two years ago, to call “it” what it is. I was reminded of who I should actually be giving credit for my life, what my purpose is, and most importantly how I should go about pursuing it.
I won’t take you down Spirituality Road, but just as a quick life update in April of 2020 I started discipleship with my church pastor, began serving as the creative director of the same church, and a few weeks ago I preached my first sermon.
Secondly, I found the real value in keeping yourself and your circle small. I mean just practically it’s just so much less to manage. And when you’re going through something, you need to surround yourself with people but you need to surround yourself with the right people. It’s funny how many close friends you think you have until you realize that:
a) there are only a few that really let you confide in them without spilling the tea.
and b) they’re really good friends as long as it aligns with how they want to be friends.
I’m a believer in sharing moments of triumph and struggle with others, but I’ve learned that there is art in choosing with who you share it. The right people will keep you grounded when you are at your highest, and lift you up when you’re at your lowest. The people that may take a little more consideration when deciding to keep within your circle are the ones who only seem to show up in the triumphs and the ones who only revel in the struggles.
That may seem a little petulant, but I say it with all the empathy in the world. People go through life differently than you might, and it’s important to accept that. You cannot expect anything from people, but it’s important to take notice when someone truly aligns with you. I’ve always stood by the notion that the best friendships have less to do with time or history, and more to do with common values or goals.
One of the more interesting learnings from this year in particular is the importance of identifying a destination - or more commonly put - setting a goal in almost all things you do.
I’ve been a goal-setter for a long time. It didn’t matter whether it was in my career life or for my personal growth I always had a benchmark for success. Those goals allowed me to create paths to achieve them - and I didn’t know how important those paths were until I didn’t have them anymore. The thing is when you don’t have those goals you end up spinning in circles. No matter how fast you run, no matter how hard you climb, if you don’t know where you’re going you’re never really going anywhere, right?
Coming into this year I had (and have) so much personal baggage that my goal was just to get through it. I cannot tell you enough about how much of a losing mentality that is or how detrimental that mindset can be to your life. As I look back now, I’m actually ashamed of it. How could I give up on myself like that? After all the years of encouraging others to get through their own obstacles, I almost felt like a hypocrite.
I’m not yet in a place where I’m ready to share the contents of my baggage, but I will tell you that to a certain extent I used it as an excuse to not commit to a big vision and execute it. It’s hard to say that out loud, and those closest to me will tell me I’m doing fine, but at the end of the day, “fine” isn’t what I want for my life or for the lives of those around me. How can I say I’m here to serve my faith, family, and friends without clearly identifying how I intend to do that? I wasn’t. Not to my fullest potential, anyway.
By the way, the book that reminded me of the importance of perseverance is The Last Arrow by Erwin Raphael McManus. Check it out.
As I’m writing this I’m thinking, “how do I do this differently?”. Looking deep into my reflection has shown me that something needs a change. haven’t fully figured that out yet, but all I know is that I want to continue providing value wherever I can and however I can.
Here is a recent post I made to LinkedIn, talking about Instagram vs. TikTok.
I had the opportunity to interview some great people on my podcast. Here’s my interview with Erwin Raphael McManus where we talk about the importance of being the one choosing, the art of communication, and more.
Here’s a post/article on Instagram Reel’s decline in organic reach, and what creators are saying about it.
I can’t promise it won’t be another 10 months, 3 weeks, and 6 days until I write again, but what I can promise is that whenever I do it it’s because I want to and not because I feel like I should. Wherever you are, I hope things are going well for you and I would love to hear from you. DM me on Instagram.